As a woman in her thirties without any children of my own, I sure do read a LOT of parenting books. I do this because so many of “my kids” never had present parents themselves. As I mentor, coach and love these young adults who have aged-out of orphanages and foster care it helps to know what they didn’t get and what they need. Now, a lot of my job is going back in time to meet these needs and build lasting connections that will scaffold them for healthy relationships as they launch into independence.

For this reason, the book I’m reviewing today, “The Power of Showing Up,” is a valuable read for anyone, parent or not, working with children and teens. The principles covered in the book help remind me what my own youth need—and even what I need. While the book is written for parents with children, I’ll be using the term “youth” because that’s who I’ve applied these principles to.

Some of my takeaways from this book are:

• We need to give our youth physical & emotional safety.
• Pay attention to the desires and personality of the young adult in front of you, instead of imprinting your ideas and beliefs onto them. Give your youth space to grow into who they are.
• If you want to teach and train the emotional IQ of youth, you have to practice it yourself.
• Be the adult in their life that soothes big emotions instead of meeting those emotions with your own anger.
• Show up. Be a constant, safe and loving shelter for your youth.

That last point is my favorite.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone ask me “Aren’t you babying them?” or “They’re young adults, the world won’t be kind to them so why are you letting them mess up, redo and try over and over and over again?” and finally, “A boss would never do that. They’d be fired! This won’t help them in the real world.”

If the world is so horrible and scary for a young adult (especially one coming out of a lifetime of abuse and neglect) isn’t a sanctuary exactly what they need?

I am babying them, because they need someone to love that inner child that was never heard.

I am letting them mess up and try again, because that is how we learn.

The real world is unkind, and my young adults need (and deserve) a safe haven.

The Power of Showing Up is a great reminder of the importance of being with and moving through the challenges of life together with our children, teens or young adults.